HOMEMAKER MONTH - Week 2 with Nat Moore

Toddlers, Chores and Chaos

"Train a child how to live the right way.

Then even when he is old, he will still live that way." Proverbs 22:6 (International Children's Bible)

My daughter Sage will be 2 in December. Sometimes I forget she's not yet 2 as we have lots of friends who have 2 year olds and mine spends time with them, and she's tall, and clever, and of course I'm entirely biased and think my child is exceptionally bright. And maybe she is, and maybe she's not. I love her anyway. Okay I'm done bragging about my child - sort of.

Before Sage was born, I discovered Maria Montessori. An incredible Italian doctor born in 1870 who is best known for her contribution to education. The short version is 'learning through play' with a focus on independence, child-led play and life skill building. I loved that! So, while not doing it perfectly, because, I just don't, I've tried to implement from a young age, many Montessori practices, stations, habits and tools into our home and play.

We do lots of sensory play, messy play, I mostly did baby led weaning (BLW - offering foods to baby and letting them feed themselves and make a HUGE mess in the process) when starting Sage on solids.

We started putting Sage on a potty around 10 months of age (she's not potty trained yet but understands the concept and is excited about wearing undies here and there. We have many accidents and that's okay).

A lot of this means there are BIGGER messes to clean up in the aftermath but I have a happy kiddo and now reap the benefits in public when she is quite careful feeding herself in cafes and restaurants. Her confidence stems from the safe space we created at home where she can make a mess and make mistakes and isn't punished for learning.

Sometimes we have to let chaos reign to allow for the learning to happen.

Eventually our tiny people figure it all out and become our greatest allies in getting household chores done! But you need to start somewhere.

When my crawling 9 month old decided to start throwing her reusable nappies OUT of the washing basket that I'd been folding, rather than getting angry at her, I threw them all out with her. And then modelled how to put them back. So she did. Around 13 months she started handing me her nappy shells (the outside), while I put them together and handed them back for her to put into the washing basket. She'd then push the basket to wherever the nappy station was, and transfer the nappies from the basket to the nappy box. She was helping Mummy! While working on her gross motor skills, doing 'chores' AND HAVING FUN!!

(Oh! Look at tiny Sage!!)

Around the 10-11 month mark, after a meal, I'd wipe down her face, hands and then high chair tray. Sage snatched at the cloth, wanting to wipe the tray herself. So we let her. She wasn't very good at it but she tried her best. Now at 22-months she wipes her face, hands, tray, table and floor if she spills something. Usually without being asked.

Recently, I thought I would see how far we could take the 'responsibilities' and 'help Mummy, please?' I spent a day doing chores I needed to get done and let her help me. Sure it took a little longer and there was a little bit of frustration when things just didn't work for her. And yes, you'll see that at some points there was MORE mess for Mummy to clean up, BUT the pure joy of the 'Mummy, look! I did it!' moments were worth it all!

On this particular day we managed the following:

- Sage chose (from the lower fridge door - I specifically chose this fridge so Sage could access that door herself for snacks) fresh fruits for our pressed juice. Put them in a bag and carried them to the kitchen bench. She climbed up onto her learning tower and after I chopped them up (we're not quite there yet and haven't got the safe tools yet) she fed the fruit into the slow juicer making juice for us both.

- She buttered toast for herself. Climbed off the learning tower and I handed her the plate, which she carried over to the table for us to eat together.

- After breakfast, I filled her kitchenette (which until this point had been a

toy, but I've now set it up as a functioning mini kitchen - just need a running water source) with some warm water and a little castille soap (non-toxic JUST in case she decides to take a sip, she usually doesn't but who knows), gave her a small dish brush and off she went. While I washed dishes in the big sink, she did her dishes in the little sink. Now don't be fooled - there was water EVERYWHERE!! And I needed to wipe down the walls, the whole kitchenette (inside the cupboards), and mop the floor. But Sage watched and helped. And the next time she did her dishes, there was less to wipe up, and she initiated the clean up herself.

- We sorted a load of washing out, which she put into the basket (with instruction), we pushed it to the laundry, she loaded the machine, I poured the detergent in and she set the dial and pushed the button. It was a great lesson in numbers too. 'Turn the dial, listen to the beep - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Press the start button ONCE.'

- While the machine washed, we got the vacuum out on the wooden floors - nice and easy for a little girl to manipulate. And I let her go wild. When she got over that I took over and she went to play.

- When the washing was done, we set up the inside clothes line, which has a lower level Sage can reach and I showed her how to fold socks over the bar without needing a peg (pegs were a source of MAJOR frustration - she'll learn that skill eventually). She also handed me the longer things that needed to go up higher.

I could have probably kept pushing to see how far we could get - but I didn't want to burn her out and discourage her helpfulness in the future.

[Parents], do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)

Now you may be thinking, 'Okay, your child might do that but mine won't'. And okay, maybe that is true. But have you tried? These things don't happen overnight and not without more mess and chaos. And the reality of our home is that it is messy!! I had to let go of something. In an average day I'm parenting a toddler, running the household and all that entails and running our businesses, while trying to stay connected with people, and holding various roles in church (some of which cross over into the week and some don't). Something will drop - often it's the tidiness in rest of my house. But piece by piece we're tackling it. And that's okay.

Routines and doing the same things everyday help. Some mums find daily task picture cards help their children. I aim to encourage second language learning by giving Sage instructions in Czech and English. I try to give only one instruction at a time so she remembers. But I'll tell her 2-3 things coming up so she's got an agenda of sorts in mind. Eventually when I feel up to it and feel she'll benefit from it, I may try a picture chart for her to follow also.

Children thrive on predictability and routine. Even if every day doesn't look identical, having some sense to your week helps. Sage knows on Tuesdays (she doesn't know what Tuesday is however) we go to swimming lessons. And on Wednesdays, she goes to Winnie's house. Sometimes we mix it up, or we stay home if she's unwell.

But bringing your child alongside you and into what you do lets them feel included, gives them a sense of responsibility and eventually when you trust them to do the tasks for themselves fosters positive self-esteem and independence. Whether I'm making dinner, or digging in the garden, Sage has the option to join me or play independently. Sometimes we

parents need to do the things we need to do and that means we can't give our undivided attention to our kiddos. So we have the opportunity to foster their independence or teach them some life skills right along with us.

My homemaking is far from perfect. In fact it's a cluttered, chaotic mess! But I love that my girl comes on the homemaking journey with me and makes it more fun. It's a joy to watch her learn, master skills and find joy in helping her mummy and daddy.

N.

P.S. You'll note the various outfit changes in a 'day'. These photos are from a number of days and months. But there are some days when Sage will go through 3-5 outfits if we're having an 'undie' day or a messy play day. Yes, there's more washing - but HEY! Another learning opportunity!