Tantrums and Theology

The other week I began to experience that precious period of time every new parent naively believes will never happen to them.

The period that seasoned parents politely smile and internally relive the trauma of their own childrens’ public meltdowns, carrying a thrashing and flailing small person to the car or perhaps losing their own cool in the heat of the moment.

I refuse to label this time as ‘terrible’ no matter the age. Challenging? Yes. Exhausting? Absolutely. But terrible? No. The nice thing about parenting in the 2020s is that we actually are a lot more informed of what’s going on with our children developmentally. So, at least in my experience, I know when my girl is expressing some ‘big feelings’, my job is to acknowledge them, and help her learn to regulate them.

I know, I know, move over all the mums who’ve gone before me. I’m the expert (Ha! No way!). This is absolutely so much easier said than done. But, because I know what’s going on in the mind and body of my child when she is being expressive (when she’s being ‘normal’) and in fact I expect these moments, it makes it easier to accept them.

Not always. When I’m trying to get out the door, to HER play date but she won’t put her clothes on, or won’t put her toothbrush away and instead throws it across the room. When I ask her, for the 6th time to put her shoes on (and I know she knows how to)… Well, the other week, I got annoyed and raised my voice. And immediately felt guilty.

And a convicting thought came to mind. I thought of how God, our Father, must feel when He lovingly gives us direction, instruction, is trying to teach and raise us up to be better people. But time after time we argue back, we ignore Him, we do the opposite of what He asks, and sometimes we just straight up chuck a tanty!

How does He respond?

Since the God I believe in is loving, merciful and gracious - I’ve got a pretty good idea that He isn’t yelling at me, wanting to smack me, He’s not rolling His eyes, growling or storming off.

I imagine God’s response to my attitude, rebellion, defiance and disobedience with love. I imagine Him gently and patiently waiting for my response when I’m ignoring Him or taking my time in following through. I imagine He extends His hand to help me get through the task I don’t want to do because it’s just too overwhelming. I imagine, in the middle of my meltdown, God not telling me to ‘get over it’, or saying ‘you’re overreacting’ or even a simply ‘calm down’. I imagine Him stooping down to my eye level, looking at me, and gently asking ‘You’re upset, do you need a hug?’

When we arrived at our friends’ house, before taking her out of the car, I asked my daughter to look at me and I apologised. I told her, ‘it’s okay to feel upset, but it’s not okay to be unkind. Mummy shouldn’t have raised her voice. I’m sorry, will you forgive me?’

Now, my daughter is a little over 2 years old. She doesn’t know what forgiveness is. But I still used that word because how else will she learn, unless I model it? When someday we get into a theological conversation about forgiveness, how will she understand God’s forgiveness unless she’s experienced it from her Mama and shown it to others?

Yes, it’s a lot of pressure. Yes, I’ll stuff up. A lot. But by God’s grace, He’ll help me get better and raise my daughter well. He’s with me every step of the way.

Who would’ve thought, a tantrum would teach me about God’s grace?

N

Bible verses related to this topic:

1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient and kind..." (English Standard Version)

1 Timothy 1:16 "But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life." (New International Version)

Romans 15:5 "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had..." (New International Version)

Philippians 4:6 "Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come." (The Voice)