HOMEMAKER MONTH - Week 5 with Noemi Saeed

Teamwork on the Homefront

Noemi Saeed is a wife, mother of 5 little ones, small business owner and creative enthusiast. She recently shared a post on her social media that struck a chord with me and delightedly agreed to share some of her homemaking success with a large family. Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork. Please enjoy getting to know how Noemi makes her home a loving place to be.

NM: Noemi, thank you for agreeing to do this! I’m excited.

NS: Aww I’m so humbled. ☺️ Thanks for having me.

NM: Please tell me, before we even get into how your run your home, was 5 the plan? Was a big family the plan?

NS: No and yes! Our number originally was four (4). I’m the eldest of three sisters. Hubby is the middle child in his sibling set of three. For different reasons, Jason and I had wanted an even number; but two was not enough, and six was too many so four was our ‘perfect’ number. Then in 2019, we were surprised with an unexpected pregnancy… and so there were five. Jason is still trying to be happy with the uneven number of kids. LOL

NM: For context, what are the ages of your kiddos?

NS: Sienna is 8, Isaiah is 7, Malakai is 5, Kanaan is 4 and our baby surprise, Havana is 17mths. When people ask me their ages I joke around a lot and say I was either pregnant and/or breastfeeding for nearly eight years as the older four are between 18 to 22 months apart. Kanaan was weaned at around 10 months, so I did get a break between the last two. But yes, life is very full on with our fabulous five and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

NM: Your recent Instagram story shared that everyone gets involved in housework in your house. What does that look like practically with such an age range?

NS: Charts, lists, routines and lots of repetition. I think it may have been early last year or the year before (can’t remember, things have been crazy since covid…Ha!) I made the kids chore/routine charts for morning and evening routines as a way to help the productivity in our home. I felt I was always rushing them and getting frustrated that we were always running behind. But the charts worked really well. It was teaching them to be more independent which I think is a win-win in the long run. At the moment those charts are packed away in moving boxes; we’re living with my parents while we wait for our home build, so this has changed the dynamics of how I manage our home a little.

Besides the chore charts, we also put a lot of importance on teamwork and that everyone in the family has a part to play. Once someone has finished the tasks given, I ask them if they would mind helping any sibling having a little trouble finishing their tasks. Usually, the answer is a happy “sure”.

The family is a unit that is made up of many parts, if one of the parts isn’t pulling its weight it gets harder for the rest. Granted, the older kids have more responsibilities than the younger ones but when cleaning or tidying is taking place, all of them help in one way or another.

I’d like to insert a disclaimer here though. Just because my kids are required to help around the house doesn’t mean they’ll always help with a smile on their face. We experience tantrums, on the daily, but we try to compromise. We also remind them that in our house God is present, and that He is a God of order so our house should reflect that too and that everyone needs to help to make it happen.

NM: When and how did you start getting your children involved in the process?

NS: It started out to keep Sienna occupied while I did housework as a toddler. We all know that kids from the age of about 14 months tend to imitate those around them so from a very young age I had Sienna sit next to me whenever I did something around the house. If I was folding clothes, she would help pack them away. If I was washing clothes, I would pass her clothes and point to what pile it should go on then help put them into the washing machine. As the other kids were born and grew, things got easier cause the younger ones would see the older one help and they would want to get involved too.

This process has now evolved. When asked, they’ll put a load of washing and start the machine, they can set the table on their own, they will sort out the bookshelf and vacuum the living areas…etc. I still need to check on their progress every now and again, and make sure that the feedback I give is to encourage and not to criticize. In the beginning, the home duties took longer to finish because little(r) people can’t do things as well or as fast as adults and my patience was tested so much, still is sometimes, but everything is made so much easier when we’re all working together. The kids have grown confidence in different areas of their personalities and in the tasks that they set themselves to which is a bonus.

Generally though, my kids are not tidy; they forget to pack away their PJ’s, dirty laundry doesn’t always make it inside the laundry basket, they’ll leave toys laying around, they need constant reminders to put their dirty dishes near the kitchen sink… but the point of getting them involved is so that habits are formed and that I won’t be needing to nag them in the not so distant future… well that’s what I’m hoping anyway… lol.

NM: Do you allocate tasks or give them choice? Perhaps a version of both?

NS: A little of both. The kids make their own beds in the morning, make their own lunches for school… dress themselves (except for Havana), etc. But when it comes to general home duties or cooking and cleaning living areas, I give options.

Last Friday I had asked Sienna if she could make a salad or if she could peel potatoes, she chose to peel and then the boys wanted to help too. They later all helped to set the table and sit down for our special opening-Sabbath dinner.

With Havana, she loves doing what everyone else is doing and we don’t stop her or discourage her even though the chore will probably take twice as long. Havana puts her dirty nappies in the bin after I’ve changed her, she also loves to close kitchen cupboard doors that have been left open and pass clothes pegs with her siblings when we’re hanging clothes on the line. We try to make it as fun as possible too. Sometimes, washing the car becomes a water fight, and washing, drying and packing away clean dishes and utensils becomes a production line while we sing to our favorite worship songs.

NM: Your husband, like many, is a hardworking man, outside of the home– how does he fit into the housework/chores/ task division in your home?

NS: Jason is so hands on. There are days that he comes home defeated from a day at work and will ask if I mind him vegging out on the couch but usually, he comes home and sees if there’s anything I need or if he can help with anything. If I can be honest, he cleans and tidies better than I do. As soon as he gets home the boys are hanging off him – specially our second, Isaiah… he’s his father’s shadow. Whatever dad does, he’s right there next to him seeing if he can help or be involved in any way.

Also, there has never been a “that’s your job, this is my job” type of relationship. Jason is happy to roll up his sleeves and wash dishes or clean bathrooms just as I am willing to get the lawn mower and cut the grass or get the car out and physically wash it. We also make a point to tell that to the kids every chance we get, and they see it in the examples we set. Statements like “a woman’s place is in the kitchen” get shutdown straight away in our house because we believe that a husband can be just as good, if not better in the kitchen than the wife. Thankfully, my family love my cooking but if I’m not feeling great, Jason will take over our kitchen no problem. In all honesty, I think I got the better deal. He’ll tell you he “only makes them” (referring to the kids ha-ha) but anyone that knows him, knows how hardworking he is - in and outside the home.

NM: Can you recall a time (as many women/wives/mothers probably do at some point) when you felt the weight of ALL the responsibility? How did you come through that? What helped you?

NS: Oh definitely! There have been a few of those and I’m sure there will be more to come because that’s life.

Jason has worked for companies that required inter-state and rural traveling before; he has also worked for himself where he’s needed to do long hours and there have been weeks where on the daily, he’s had to leave for work before the kids wake up and then get home past bedtime just to meet a deadline, and he misses seeing them. Also, when I’ve had the baby blues – thankfully these didn’t last very long each time. Those times were/are tough. I’ve had to be mother, cleaner, Sargent (because let’s be honest, kids will not always do what you require them to), cook, therapist, referee, nurse… etc. all on my own. I take my hat off to single mothers who must do this on the daily for their families. There are a few things that I do when I find that I’m burning myself out.

Firstly, even when I’m not going through a seemingly hard season, I try to schedule some early morning quiet time of devotion. Daily I commit my life and will to God so that everything that I do during the day, I can do it with love and patience. One specific line that I use in my prayers is,” Lord please let me be the mother and help-mate you called me to be today.” This doesn’t mean that I don’t make mistakes – at times I can be a very frustrated mother but when I realise how I’m acting, I make sure that I’m teaching the kids that these emotions are okay, but we need to work through them without hurting others and if I’ve hurt someone’s feelings in the process, I’ll make a point to apologise. This also means a daily re-commitment so that the mistakes and the tasks that I didn’t get to finish yesterday aren’t continually flooding me and making me feel guilty.

Secondly, people are so quick to praise me for the way I run our household that they forget the father plays a major part too. When your spouse is loving, caring, attentive, hardworking and supportive (even if he’s not there in person), it makes the workload so much easier, this is my experience at least. They say the grass is greener where you water it, and I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. A woman will push through almost anything when her emotional and physical needs are being met by her spouse. When I’m feeling down in the dumps, Jason is my constant. When he sees that I’ve had a tough day at home he’ll say, “Bub, you need time to yourself? I got this; you go.” Things didn’t start out like this; it’s taken years of work and learning to communicate, learning each other’s love language and showing the kids how these love languages work practically. We’re still not pros but we have come a long way and we continue to work through things as they come up. Marriage and parenting are hard work.

Lastly, I also have a strong support system. Like I said earlier, I’m the oldest of three sisters. Apart from my husband, my sisters and parents are my confidants, especially my mum. When I need (another) ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on because things are too much or if I need intercessory prayer – I go to them. My mum is an awesome example of a hardworking wife and mother to me. I can honestly say, most of what I am I owe to her. If I ever need godly advice, I know I can count on her to answer me honestly but with love.

I feel like having these three things in my life have helped me in tough situations and they continually help whenever I feel like I’ve reached a crossroad in my mothering and homemaker journey.

NM: Do you have a family Bible verse you speak over your home, children, family that guides your home making and home environment?

NS: So many! Here are a couple…

- Joshua 24:15 - “But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord”.

- Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

And especially when I’m needing grace…

- Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

NM: If you could give a mum who is struggling to communicate a need to her husband or children a piece of advice, what would you say?

NS: This advice is for me too – having 5 kids doesn’t automatically mean I have reached a certain level of proficiency as a mother or wife; I’m still learning.

Proverbs 25:15 – “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.”

Give everything to God! He’s entrusted you this family, these kids. He knew you would be the best person for them. Be patient. Speak with love. Speak life on your family. Trust God with the process and He will bless your efforts.

NM: Do you have a favorite part of your home OR part of your day with your family?

NS: I think my favorite part of our home would have to be our bedroom. It’s a place the kids can come for comfort when they have nightmares during the night, where we have pillow fights, cuddles, where I pour my heart out to God, where I can have quality time with my husband (not just intimacy). It’s my safe place for me and mine.

NM: Thank you again, for sharing a different perspective. We’ve heard from a wife, a mum of 1, two mums of 2 and now ending with a beautiful mum of 5. I pray God’s blessing upon you and your home as you raise the souls entrusted to you by our Creator and Father.