Every decision I make is wrong... or is it?

July 2017: I was nominated as the youth leader at my church. I had only been attending there regularly for six months after moving the Tasmania. I was excited, inspired and keen to shake things up. First step; implement a weekly lesson structure. There was no real structure to how Sabbath school lesson time was managed, some weeks a teacher didn't show up or nothing was really scheduled. I'd come from a church where the youth had a roster, volunteers were easy to find, there was no judgment if it was your first time and you were nervous about teaching. We all supported each other and did our part. I wanted that for my new youth group.

For a few months things were going well. We even had attendance go up! Suddenly we had 18 people crammed into the small room that was ours. So I suggested a room swap with a smaller class. That summer we revamped the space, modernised it, added a blackboard wall, a youth calendar, we were given a stack of World Changer Bibles to use and share on. We were going to be blessed and be a blessing.

Autumn was approaching. Uni was starting up again. A few of the youth members were going to the mainland for study. Others simply lost interest. By the end of the year we had about 4 regulars attending Sabbath school.

Was it my fault? Did I make the wrong decision? Did I push too hard?

November 2020: It was late. We were celebrating a friend's birthday. It was well past Sage's bedtime, but she'd had a late afternoon nap so I decided it would be okay for her to stay up later than normal. But now, I called it. 8:20pm. Time to go home. I packed her up, drove the 1.5km home weighing up the pros and cons and possible outcomes of bath or no bath.

Pros: bath is part of bedtime routine; she's used to it; it'll get the last bits of tiredness out of her?

Cons: bath takes time; she'll be more tired; possibly grumpy and cry; without it she might think it's just a nap??

I decided to forego the bath part of bedtime routine since she was rubbing her eyes terribly and had become very cuddly. 8:30pm she was fast asleep.

Until... 10:30pm when she decided she'd had enough of a nap and was ready to be awake and play again. There was nothing I could do to resettle her. So she stayed up with us until we were ready to go to bed ourselves.

Did I make the wrong decision? Why do so many arbitrary decisions in motherhood cause me to second guess myself or worse, feel like I'm making the wrong decision?

I realised that we can feel this way about life and the Christian walk. So often to pray, 'Lord lead me' or 'God, give me a sign' and then second guess every step along the way.

I've been offered a job, should I take it?

This person asked me out on a date, should I go?

I want to be a missionary in Africa, but should I?

Someone asked me a question about God, but I don't know enough so how can I answer?

What I've learned in life and what I need to remember in motherhood, is that there isn't necessarily a right or wrong choice. When it comes to living for God, raising children for God, serving others, whatever we may be doing; 'we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose' (Romans 8:28).

That doesn't mean every action will immediately have the perfect outcome. It means that even if we think we may have taken a step to the left or right, God can work it out. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, 'trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight'. It's actually not you or I who make things work out in the end. Sure, we can try slap a band-aid on it and hope it'll be okay. But ultimately it is God who will straighten the messes. The psalmist writes of God,

'... for Your name's sake You lead me and guide me' (Psalm 31:3).

So if you're caught in the 'what decision do I make?' stage of life, acknowledge God, pray. 'If any of you lacks wisdom, let Him ask God, who gives generously...' (James 1:5) and will straighten your path.

N.